I really enjoyed last week’s bootcamp about having difficult conversations, but I was left feeling a little lost. How can I sound as sophisticated as Natalie, Anna and Renee during a highly awkward/ charged conversation? I am wondering if it would help to have some sort of framework to help sort out and organize my thoughts or do I just need more practice… Does anyone want to be my difficult conversation buddy??
Lauren, 
Rebecca, 
Eugene Eric Kim, and 1 other are discussing.
Eugene Eric Kim 5:13 am on July 12, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply
Lauren, I’m sure others will volunteer to be your difficult conversation buddy, but I’ll go ahead and be the first in line. Anytime you want to practice, let me know.
You’re also dangerously close to breaking ground rule #1. 🙂 You didn’t get a chance to practice this past week, unfortunately, so let’s see if we can find ways to get you some practice, and you can report back and let us know how you’re feeling then. When you do get the chance to practice, I’m sure it will feel awkward and charged and uncomfortable… and it will be just fine, which was what happened with Renee and Anna.
Remember, difficult conversations are, by definition, difficult, even with lots of practice! If they don’t end up that way, then you’re probably doing something wrong!
Lauren 6:08 am on July 17, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply
Thank you so much for offering to be my buddy Eugene! I will definitely be taking you up on that offer! And most of all, I am looking forward to practicing a difficult conversation tomorrow and very excited about the opportunity! 🙂
Anna Castro 6:05 am on July 12, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply
I would be happy to be your difficult conversation buddy as well!! A few things that Bootcamp has helped me practice this time around has been to push myself to volunteer an opinion, speak first (or earlier in a conversation) and be participatory in a way that I am not used to or am comfortable doing. I had to participate and share during Bootcamp #1 because there were only two of us. I didn’t have much of a choice *insert smiley emoticon* (Eugene – how do I drop one into my comment?)
I’ve been thinking a lot about how I participate in group settings and am discovering/learning quite a bit about when I’m comfortable and when I’m not. Our Bootcamp conversations about power and power dynamics sort of gave me permission to begin to analyze the kind of person I am or have been in different work settings. I have some interesting examples that I think are worthy of some sociocultural anthropology study. I have been afraid to unpack some of that stuff and the emotions that they bring up. Lately, and I think Bootcamp helps, I am confronting these issues and feelings head on. I am more comfortable thinking about how as a woman of color my various experiences have been shaped by other people’s perceptions of me based on these identities and how I have reacted to them.
My participation in Bootcamp #1 had a lot to do with pushing myself to send Eugene an email. I drafted a response to his initial call out to changemakers in the Bay Area but it sat in my draft box for days until I read his blog post called Advice for Female Changemakers. Here is a link to it:
http://eekim.com/blog/2011/07/advice-for-female-changemakers/
Reading that post was the extra push I needed to hit the send button and act more boldly. I highly recommend it to you and all female changemakers.
I think you are amazing, Lauren. I’ve learned a tremendous amount from you and your very well written posts. I am so looking forward to staying connected with you after we complete Bootcamp #2 next week.
Eugene Eric Kim 4:58 pm on July 12, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply
Love hearing the fruits of your self-reflection, Anna, and I’m looking forward to hearing more.
As for smileys, WordPress automatically converts the standard colon-dash-parenthesis combination. Try it!
Lauren 6:25 am on July 17, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply
Anna, I want to thank you very much for your post and for offering to be my difficult conversation buddy! I can’t tell you how much I appreciated reading your honest reflections. Secondly, thank you SO MUCH for posting the link to Eugene’s 2011 blog article. I think this was something I really needed to read right now, especially the part about finding your voice!! This is something I definitely struggle with especially, as @rapetzel shared, with my own writing and journey. I have really learned so much from your thoughtful listening and communication skills, Anna. And I definitely hope we can continue to have the conversations we started on the watercooler/blog after bootcamp is complete. Until tomorrow..Buenas noches 🙂
Rebecca 4:44 pm on July 16, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply
Hi Lauren! Your statement “How can I sound sophisticated as….” resonated with me a bit. It reminded me of a time a few years ago I took a huge risk, and wrote a public blog about the trials and tribulations of being professionally unattached. I did this with my best friend, which gave me strength, courage, and a strong writer to learn from. However the downside was when I was feeling my most vulnerable, I would look at her writing and use it to tear myself down. How could I ever compare! I remember having tortured conversations with friends about not feeling worthy to write alongside her.
In retrospect, when I go back and read my writing at this time, it was delightful. I’m so proud, I’ll even share it here to prove it! http://professionallyunattached.wordpress.com/
So I guess this is my friendly reminder to try and take the best of what learning and working with others can offer, but don’t undersell yourself in the process. I’m sure your style in difficult conversations will be different than Renee’s and Natalie’s but I doubt it will be worse. Try, as hard as it can be when we are our most vulnerable, to see the uniqueness and strength of your own approach alongside that of your peers!
And finally, thanks for sharing your honest fears and concerns here! That takes courage, and it helps us all get better to see the vulnerability in our peers.
Lauren 6:47 am on July 17, 2013 Permalink | Log in to Reply
I LOVED your blog Rebecca! And Wow, your inner monologue, sounded a lot like mine does sometimes! But I would have never guessed by your very creative and individualized writing style! Thanks so much for sharing! I will definitely try to remember your advice- to see my own uniqueness and strength along side my peers especially during difficult conversations. Like you said, it can be hard sometimes. But I think, like Euegene says it takes practice and self awareness to begin to re-wire your thinking. Thank you Rebecca so much for your honest sharing and refection with me!